A Dissertation on long lost friends and 20 euro blow jobs

One week ago, at 6 o’clock in the morning, my eyes were wide open. I hadn’t had a minute of sleep and didn’t seem to be getting it anytime soon. So I decided to write this in order to take it off my chest. It did help.

It is almost 6 in the morning, I haven’t slept anything (not even 20 minutes) I can hear my roommate fucking and I have been offered to rent a dick for 20 Euros a blow job, so excuse me if I’m a bit cynical.

I do realise that I haven’t updated my blog in a really long time and coming back with a post of this nature would be like Woody Allen coming back of a long hiatus with a pretty awful movie. Then again, I am not Woody Allen (thank God) and he does do shitty movies from time to time, so I feel justified.

I was looking forward to a quiet evening. I got home around 12:30 am (which is pretty early for a Saturday night here in Barcelona). I wanted to use for the first time my brand new Zara Home bed spread, which I had left drying in the drying machine for an hour only to take it out and realize that it was still humid. I put it back in for another 20 minutes (I would’ve set the machine for another hour, but it was still 12 am and I didn’t want to disturb the neighbours), only to waste my time because when I took it out, it was still steamy. I was pretty upset, cursing (in my head), muttering things like “This machine can’t dry for shit”, but then later during the week I found a longer cycle that does the trick. So sorry, dryer, I’m the incompetent one, not you.

Rarity from "My little Pony" crying gif

As for the dick-renting thing, I do log into Bender everyone in a while (a Grindr rip off) just to see what’s in season. Kind of like a person who enters a store they can’t afford just to “browse”. So I log in and this mate goes straight to the point, he sends a message that says:

“I’m straight and I rent my dick”.

Sam from Glee reaction Gif

I thought he was kidding. Naturally, it must be a joke because in my world when you exchange your body for money it’s called something else not renting. So I ask him how much. And he replies without hesitating “I’d let you suck my dick off for 20 Euros.”

I could go into a rant about how unromantic this hooking up apps are, blah blah, blah… but I’m not going to. Because I’ve grown out of it. It would be too simple. There are way too many lonely people out there and for me to whine about how painfully single I am in a city where everyone seems to be fucking around the clock, it would be like spitting on their faces. But I’m also not going to do it because I simply don’t have the energy. It would also sound preachy. I don’t like being preachy.

Did I mention my door handle broke?  Yes I just moved into a new flat and on my fourth day living here the bloody handle of my room’s bloody door falls off and I (consequently) get locked inside for two and a half hours. I only managed to get out when my roommate woke up and I called him from behind the door.

It’s been a week since then and my landlord still hasn’t fixed it because apparently there is only ONE MAN who can fix doors in ALL of Barcelona and he was busy.

Britney from "Most Popular girls in school" gif

Not being able to close my door has been a problem for me, because it doesn’t allow me to shut in as much as I would like to and makes it a bit more difficult to ignore shit like my roommate fucking. BTW he is playing music to drown out the sounds of his “love” making, but it doesn’t really work, which means I now hear the music AND the moaning. Seriously, I lived for six months next to a handsome Mexican who had a beautiful Dutch girl for a girlfriend and I didn’t hear them, not even ONCE having sex and I’ve been living for little less than a week here and I have to subject myself to THIS.

It’s a wonderful life.

There are good things still. Today I bought myself a brand new pair of shoes on sale at Zara and I got to hang out with a couple of my closest friends in Barcelona and just laugh our asses off. And also tomorrow I get to meet one of the few online friends I made back in the day when I was a Harry Potter Fan Fiction junky. I might tell you about those days some other time. If you behave.

Gif from Harry Potter and "The Chamber of Secrets"

Wherever you are I hope you are having a better time than me and if you’re not I will hold your virtual hand and I promise you that it will get better.

Love you.

Harald

Update (what has happened since I wrote this snarky entry):

  1. I got to meet Stephanie and I had just the best time going to Sagrada Familia, walking around and eating tapas. Stephanie, I didn’t tell you this in person, I don’t know why, I guess I couldn’t come up with the words at that moment, but you’re an amazing girl and you lifted my spirit to levels I didn’t think possible that day. Can’t wait to see you again. Next time, I’ll fly to wherever you are (either England or Australia) and I’ll harass you :D
  2. I started going to a gym here, nearby my new home which has helped me sleep better at night.
  3. I’ve had a chance to talk with my roommate. He is a nice guy and I don’t resent him, at all. I’m glad he’s getting laid. Somebody has to. God, I hope he never reads this.
  4. The bedspread finally dried and it’s wonderful.
  5. The door was finally fixed the day before yesterday. It took almost two weeks, but now I’m finally at peace, and the landlord did offer to lower my rent for August because of the inconveniences. So that’s good.
Me & Stephanie

Me & Stephanie

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2 thoughts on “A Dissertation on long lost friends and 20 euro blow jobs

  1. ! I’m so glad that you got to meet Steph! She’s amazing. I just wish I could have been there to see you, too!

    Sorry about your roomie and the broken door, though, that’s no fun. I hope this week is much better! ♥

    Like

    • Hi Anna!

      I wish you had been there too! We so need to plan a SPEW meeting :) And yes, Steph is just wonderful.

      PS: This week has been going much better. Thanks for the comment!

      Like

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